Ladies
are often captivated with the so-called step by step approach to
relationships, the concept of the “Author’s Guide to Relationships”. The
list is endless: “how to know when he’s that into you”, “finding the
perfect man”, “making it work” blah, blah, blah…and even more
relationship garbage.
Check your library collection, we all
have at one point bought one of these relationship guidebooks and
bestsellers. We all get so mentally involved with the ideas of
relationships portrayed by these authors and yet one puzzling facts
remains, has anyone written the readers reality guide as to how
relationships really work or turnout? Well maybe I haven’t read one yet.
Other than shifting us from a state of
reality to imaginary dreamers, Disney, Pixar, romantic comedies and all
the likes of tinsel town’s finest romance stories have done nothing for
us over the years. It’s okay to have fairytale views of romance every
once in a while. Hey! We all deserve to be princesses and queens don’t
we? Unfortunately, relationships aren’t always about “Snow white” who
Prince charming comes to the rescue with a kiss. We become so immersed
in the manuals dos and don’ts of relationships that we hardly give room
for what real relationships are about: commitment, consistency and hard
work. A wise woman once said to me “Your measure of return or better
still, Return on Investment”, in a relationship, is proportional to the
measure you put in…well in a fair world.
Relationships are not a ‘one size fits
all’ concept and until we (I speak for ladies here) start to realize
that there is no comparison whatsoever when it comes to relationships,
they are never what they seem to be from the viewpoint of a third party.
Your past relationships teach you vital lessons, lessons you either
choose to learn or end up repeating at costlier expenses. Never assume
anyone is happier than you just by mere looks. The grass is always
greener on both sides or has the capacity to be greener with consistent
nurturing.
Every woman has a special list,
comprising of, how and what they expect from a man, what he brings to
the table et al, but the real question is what are you bringing to the
table as a woman? Not necessarily financial, we all have different
levels of responsibilities. How well will you be able to support your
man when the chips are down? How much further are you willing to push
beyond the status quo of the “gold digging mentality” that says a man
must do this and this for me to prove his masculinity? And I am not
talking about the entitlement mentality type of some men, who constantly
demand what they want from a woman. I am talking about the kind of man
who the inner woman (not the girl) in you looks at with a 5year vision
and you can tell yourself I will be in a better place with him than Mr
Temporary.
I have read a few books over the years
about relationships and one concept that has stood out has been one of
independence. Many authors have made it clear that we shouldn’t be too
independent else we become intimidating to men and unlovable. How many
times within a certain circle have you heard that phrase “how’s a woman
supposed to attract a man with such level of comfort? My question is:
does life stand still because you don’t have or find a man? Well you
decide. Personally, I believe that one of the greatest discoveries any
woman can make, is the pursuit of happiness. It is in the pursuit of
happiness that one begins to understand how one can be happy whether in
single town, “relationshipville “or married country- and that is only
achieved through some level of independence. Companionship doesn’t
eradicate loneliness, until you find a happy place in your life, where
you can genuinely love yourself, then and only then can you find a place
to accommodate someone else and give them the kind of love that you
experience and are willing to share.
My advice ladies is simple, ditch the
relationship guide books and journals and do what works for you (feel
free to even disregard any and/or all the points raised in this
article), rather than sticking to someone’s imaginary suggestions as to
how to live your life and associations – because honestly there is no
definite formula as to what a good partner is and should be. Instead,
write your own guide to your own relationships, do what makes you happy
and remember that somehow you ‘may’ hurt people along the way, when you
make decisions to put your own happiness first rather than to
continually struggle to fit into someone else’s idea as to how you
should live your life.
Keep working on self discovery and the
things you need to do, the rest will fall into place. And the next time
anyone tries to make you feel guilty about being you or pry into your
business simply let them know ……
This is dummy text. It is not meant to be read. Accordingly, it is difficult to figure out when to end it. But then, this is dummy text. It is not meant to be read. Period.
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